Wednesday, December 22, 2004

In Defense of Traditional Christian Marriage

What with all the furor in the media lately over the issue of homosexual marriage, I felt that I could no longer keep my silence. It's time for a good Christian man to speak up so that everyone can be certain of Jesus' will once and for all. To make my points, I would like to profile four marriages of good, God-fearing men. To protect the privacy of the people involved, I've changed their names to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Those of you who aren't going to Hell will likely smile in recognition of old friends.

My first friend, Matthew, has been married for twelve years. His is a natural marriage, between a Man and Woman. He was married in a Church and his wedding was blessed by God. I chose to tell you about Matthew's marriage because it is not perfect. I wanted to dispel any notions you might have that because religious people object to same-sex marriages, they think they are Holier Than Thou. You see, Matthew beats his wife on a regular basis, and has put her in the hospital on several occasions. I can hear your exclamations of shock. But fear not. Matthew's marriage is a natural union between Man and Woman, and is blessed by God. The support and fellowship of the Church, and God's will, has kept Matthew's marriage together and happy. Every Sunday, both Jesus and Matthew's wife forgive him his sins, and she knows that she is protected by the benevolent hand of Jesus. I ask you, could an unnatural union of two men or two women, specifically forbidden by God, survive such trials?

My next friend, Mark, has not been married so long, only for three years. In fact, this is Mark's third marriage, and his wife's fifth marriage. Now, you may wonder why I would hold up Mark as an exemplar of Christian marriage, as it may seem that he and his wife have failed at it several times. But where you see failure, I see the light of Christ's forgiveness and love. Each and every one of their marriages has been a natural union, consecrated by God. Our Lord, in his infinite compassion and mercy, has gladly granted them a fresh start with each marriage, free of guilt and doubts. Lacking God's forgiveness, same-sex spouses are doomed to repeat the mistakes of their past "marriages" and compound their grief. Surely, in the spirit of compassion and mercy taught to us by Jesus, we should protect them from this folly by not supporting the notion that a same-sex union can be called a marriage.

My friend Luke is a good example of how God's influence makes a blessed union of a Man and a Woman the ideal environment for children to be raised in. While he was married to his first wife, he frequently came home drunk, and three of his five children were not planned, but rather unexpected blessings from God. Now, while Luke sexually abused two of his daughters and was unfaithful to his wife, have no fear. God, in his infinite mercy and compassion, forgave Luke his sins. His five children now live happily with their mother and her boyfriends, and see their father once a month. This family would not have survived their tribulations if God had not placed his benediction upon their house. Not only is it an indisputable truth that only a natural union between Man and Woman can procreate, but surely the tale of Luke's family demonstrates that only a union also blessed by Jesus is capable of raising children in a home filled with traditional Christian values. Without God's help, a supportive, nurturing environment is not possible amidst the pressures of the modern world.

My last good friend, John, does not have children, and is happily married to his first wife. Their blessed union of Man and Woman represents the bright hope of the future. John and his wife, through their love of Christ and their strong belief in the rights of free speech and freedom of religion, take God's message to the streets. In true evangelical form, they spread God's word wherever they can. John has taken particular interest in the issue of same-sex "marriage" and has made sure his is the loudest voice heard by his local politicians. He makes a point of remonstrating people in public for their un-Christian behaviour, and writes regularly to his local paper. John has personally fired two openly homosexual people from his workplace (and one he suspected of homosexuality), and one night after drinking, he even helped a gang of young men educate a same-sex couple in the love and forgiveness of Jesus. He even made sure that the hospital chaplain visited them. John is a paragon of Christian goodness. Every Sunday he is forgiven his sins of the past week, and begins with a fresh slate. He goes out into the world with tolerance and compassion in his heart, and the knowledge that God will forgive him any transgressions. John's marriage is a natural union of Man and Woman, and so he lives in the light, love, and protection of Jesus.

Surely, you must see that with all the modern-day challenges to traditional marriage, it would be impossible for a same-sex union to succeed without the blessing of God (which, as even the Pope has decreed, is not forthcoming). Rather than trying to accommodate such notions, we should dedicate our energies to helping these confused people find their way to the light of God and blessed heterosexuality, so that they can bask in the glory of a blessed natural union between Man and Woman. However, should we find ourselves assailed on all sides by the Godless, we should at the very least advocate another term for same-sex unions than marriage. Marriage is a sacred institution. It is the term for a union of Man and Woman that is blessed by God. New terminology must be devised to denote these separate but legally-equal same-sex unions. Marriage is a sacred union, and we must not allow homosexuals to make a mockery of it.

2 comments:

John Howard said...

Nicely done, I was all prepared to read some closed minded, religous nonesense.

Mark Carter said...

BTW, just in case someone didn't catch it, the whole thing was satirical, in the spirit of Swift's Modest Proposal.

Anyway, here's an article on the subject that I thought was well done.